On 10/23/18 I had a secondary breast exam. They thought I had cancer. I did not. After I called my family and friends, I went home took my anxiety meds. I fell asleep. I had a very vivid dream of my late father and his parents. We were in a park, we had been to many times, and my dad said I had to help Sandy. They pointed at him on picnic table. I was upset at them. I told them yes I loved him, but I had a breakdown and almost died. But they insisted.
I went over to him. He reached out, but I moved away. He said he was so sorry what he did to me over the years. He asked me to forgive him. He had spent the last 20 years trying to replace me. There was much more.
So when I finally woke up I called my mom. And told her about the dream. At that point all I knew was he was somewhere in Yuma. Passing through, Yuma, I would only stop at gas stations close to the freeway so I would only be there the least amount of time I could. My mother was told not to talk about him. It still put me into panic attacks.
It took me along time to finally call his sister. I got his number. I called that night. He didn't answer. So I called the next evening. This time he called me back. He said my mom told his sister. I was married. I said that she had spoken with my mom. I was in the next room. She said I was moving away because I found my love. She was talking about the house in Tucson, I was about to to close escrow on. I explained to him. He right away made my promise not to talk with any of his family. He told me he had a stroke a few years ago. Then, the summer before, he had 3 heart attacks in one day.
The next day he emailed me. I felt awful about how he was living. I told him I wanted to move him to Tucson. I would give him his own room and bathroom. He could also use my shower that was a over sized and handicap ready.
In early February I went to Yuma to pick up the first batch of his stuff. He had moved into an awful ancient trailer 300 square foot place. After his house was destroyed, in a storm. I told him after seeing it that I could fit everything including him in one trip.
He said he needed to get things ready. I cried my whole way home. It took all week to get the chemical and smoke smells out of everything, and place everything into his room.
Both times I went there he would always get so happy. On the way home he kept saying he felt like it was all a dream.
We had a couple of fights, but I would make him either go to his room or the Arizona room.
We were both really happy. If he or I didn't have a doctor's appointment, I would take him all over Tucson. I would show him as much as he could stand, each day.
He loved my cooking, so we rarely went out to eat. He even said he was going to expect to be spoiled even after he was better. I told him that was what I tried to do for 14 years, we laughed. He then looked at me, and asked, why are you so patient with me. I told him what would be the point of bringing him to my house, if I was going to be mean to him.
He was surprised at how I handled the doctors.
He had hernia that filled most of his scrotum. After surgery he looked wonderful. He even tried to get me to take a nap with him in his hospital bed. And in the morning he was fine.
By the time I got to the hospital to pick him up he wasn't okay. I tried to get him readmitted. I called the doctor but she said she didn't get the message for a week. I blew up at her. I heard she had a visit from the board of doctors, after I reported her.
He was in so much pain, and sick to his stomach. He wouldn't let me take him back to the hospital. Finally he asked me to hold him for an hour then he would go. And he wouldn't let me call for an ambulance.
While I was washing his face, body, changed his diaper, and got him dressed. He started to cry. He said he didn't want to die. He was finally happy. It wasn't fair. He was looking at something as he said it.
I finally had him ready to go. And got him to the Arizona room. As I was unlocking the door he called me over to him. He grabbed me and held me saying how much I meant to him. And that he was sorry it took him 20 years to make it home. He kissed me and was holding tight to my arms. His eyes went from blue to grey as he passed away. I could feel his energy past through me. That was maybe 5 to 10 minutes before 10 AM. The real time he passed.
I called 911 and I told them what was going on. They were just across the main road from me, but it felt like forever. I watched them trying to bring him back for about a half hour. Then they put him in the ambulance. They asked if I had anyone to call. I said my mom, then realized they meant nearby. My closes family member. I called my aunt 2 hours away. Most of my neighbors came out to check on me. Everyone was hugging me even the Sharif deputy, and the paramedics.
I told them to take him to the hospital I wanted them to take him. I don't know how but I followed them in my car. They said his heart started once, but only for a few seconds.
When I got there they sent me to the main lobby. I asked for him and they asked how I was related. I said ex wife. Then she said family only. I told her I had power of attorney.
They took my to a small room. I knew what was next. The doctor came in and the had a trolley food and coffee. Then they took me to him. I sat there crying, praying, kissing him. My aunt and uncle got there. She said my mom was on her way. I don't even know how long I was there. No one pressured me to leave. But, I finally did.
My aunt and uncle had spent Easter with us. My uncle has MS, and could be hard to understand. He kept telling Sandy that he was happy he was there. And I would take very good care of him.
He did ask me to marry him several time. I finally said yes. We were going to the courthouse on May 8th. The 35 anniversary of our first date. Instead we had his viewing. It took a long time to get his ashes back. I asked for a private cremation, so I knew it was only him in there.
Sandy, and I made plans years and years ago where we would be after we both passed.This is how my sad boy made it home, to me
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